REAL Nakama
by The HanMan Can
Summary: Who are actually your real nakama in life? The Straw Hats will tell you! What to do when a friends in jail! WHAT TO DO WHEN A FRIEND'S INSULTED OR REJECTED AND MORE! Small LuNa with slight ZoRo! Rated T for swearing, kisses and COMPLETE INSANITY! ONESHOT!


Fanfiction

Hello everyone! This is my first fic and please enjoy! I got this idea from another author named Obito Is Majorly Hot. Weird Name... Basically this is some ways people distinguish between fake friends and real friends with OP included! Let the imagination be released!

Disclaimer: If I owned One Piece, I would cause shame to the world of manga. ODA EIICHIRO FTW! Kudos to Obito Is Majorly Hot.

Title: REAL Nakama (sucks I know) Characters: Straw Hats as well as Coby, Shanks and random civilians. Pairings: Slight LuNa? Nakamaship. Maybe one ZoRo moment? I shall give you warnings if you are HATERS!Warnings: Slight swearing, slight or MAJOR Oocness, slightly crackish? A bit of humorous violence. Length: Oneshot

FAKE FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough. REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "Bitch, drink the rest of that, you know we don't waste."

Luffy was rolling on the floor of the Thousand Sunny's kitchen with a full stomach while groaning "Sanjiiii..." whined the captain."I'm fulllll... (WAIT A SEC! LUFFY FULL?) "Shitty captain you forgot this," he said as he shoved a GINORMOUS plate of meat in front of him.

"But I'm fuuullll..." (SHOCKING)

"THE WORLD'S GOING TO END!" screamed Chopper who hear the whole scene.

"SHITTY CAPTAIN." Sanji seethed. "NO ONE WASTES FOOD HERE UNDERSTAND?"

He stretched Luffy's mouth apart and kicked the meat in. Causing Luffy to choke.

"Better," Sanji grinned as he drop kicked his captain up the stairs.

FAKE FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong. REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying "Dam … we messed up … but that shit was fun!"

"YOU ASSAULTED A MARINE CAPTAIN AND HIS SON!" shouted Coby as he unlocked the prison door

"Meh," said Zoro. "We didn't kill them and it was fun eh Luffy?"

"Yep!" shouted the newbie captain as he exitedly umm... picked his nose

"YOUR HOPELESS!" screamed Coby as he fell anime style.

FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back. REAL FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget it's yours.

"EH?" shouted the new Pirate King Luffy. "This hat is yours?"

"Yep," said Shanks. "You promised you'd give it after you became King." (I know Luffy will never forget but meh)

Luffy reluctantly handed his straw hat back to it's second owner but...

FAKE FRIENDS: Always keep your stuff they borrowed in perfect condition. REAL FRIENDS: Lose your shit and tell you, "My bad ..."

The straw hat fell into pieces.

"EHHHH?" shouted the Yonko. "EEEEHHHHH?

"Ah.." said Luffy. "Buggy kinda broke it before I came here and... Eh? Shanks why are you eyeing me like that? Ohhh... BETTER RUN!"

The red haired Yonko screamed and ran after Luffy saying "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink because they think it's polite. REAL FRIENDS :Are the reason you never have food.

"OI SHITTY CAPTAIN GIVE IT BACK!" yelled Sanji

Everyone else except Nami, Robin and Brooke was following him.

"GIVE US BACK OUR FOOD!" they yelled, screamed, groaned or shouted

"NEVER!" yelled Luffy as he started laughing hysterically and began to shove the food into his mouth.

FAKE FRIENDS: Don't let friends drive drunk REAL FRIENDS: Don't let friends drive drunk alone.

After an hard core party on the celebration of a new nakama-a cyborg and ship, everyone was asleep except for the navigator and swordsman in a fierce drinking battle. The navigator was struggling to keep up.

"Argh,"'said Nami. "I give in"

"Yes!" shouted Zoro. "Half of my debt off the witch!"

"Damn marimo," muttered a passed out Sanji. "Mellorine~~~"

"Ero-cook," muttered the said marimo.

"Oi Zoro, turn the ship to six o cllooooccckkk," she said with half lidded eyes.

"Damn witch ordering me around," he muttered.

He staggered to the wheel and was about to turn the ship but unknowingly fell on top of it as the alcohol got to him. And the ship was turning to an isle of coral...

CRASH BANG DON CAT SCREECHING

The next morning...

"BBUUUWWWAAAHHH!" cried the newest nakama. "SUNNY WHAT HAPPENED TO YOOOUUU! AND IM NOT CRYING BAAAKKKAAASSS!" Everyone sweat dropped

"ZORO!" shouted the orange haired navigator. "YOU WERE MEANT TO STEER THE SHIP!"

"WELL SORRY!" yelled the pirate hunter back. "YOU WERE MEANT TO BE WATCHING AND ANYWAYS AND I FELL ON TOP OF tHE WHEEL!"

"I WAS WATCHING! BUT WHO KNEW YOU WERE CLUMSY LIKE A CERTAIN MARINE SWORDSWOMAN WE KNOW!"

Somewhere in the Grand Line, Tashigi sneezed.

FAKE FRIENDS: Laugh at all your jokes. REAL FRIENDS: Tell you your jokes suck.

After a battle with a marine ship, most of the straw hats were resting and were sprawled on the deck.

"Ah, I think my muscles are going to stop working!" groaned Brooke. "BUT WAIT! I don't have any muscles, because I'm only made of bones! Yohohohohoho! SKULL JOKE!"

Everyone except for the three idiots groaned.

"Nami-San, may I see you pant-"

"SHUT IT!" shouted Nami as she clobbered Brooke to the ground. "AND YOUR JOKES SUCK!"

"..yohohoho," said Brooke. "That broke my heart... IF I HAD ONE THAT IS! YOHOHOHOHO"

FAKE FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince. REAL FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

**LuNa ALERT!**

"OI ZORO!" shouted a certain navigator. " Help me with something or I'll increase your debt!"

"Damn witch what do you want," he grumbled.

"Ok I want you to..." she whispered quickly into his ear while blushing.

"Damn money loving freak starts to mmmpphhmm.."

"Shut up!" hissed Nami. "And get on with it!"

He muttered something and walked to the captains room and after a few minutes came out with a gagged and tied up Luffy.

"MMMMpPPHHmmMm!" he said.

Zoro ripped off the gag and stood him in front if Nami.

"Zoro! What did you do that for?" asked the captain.

"Hmph, the witch wanted to say something."

"Luffy..." she stuttered while blushing. "I love you." and she kissed him.

As **THINGS** (ahem cough) started happening, Zoro turned and started to climb up the crows nest to continue training but couldn't help grinning as he did.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will help me find your way when I'm lost.  
>REAL FRIENDS: Will be the one messing with your compass, stealing your map and giving you bad directions.<p>

"Oi Usopp,"grumbled the swordsman.

"Hmmm?"

"Where's our ship?"

Sighing, Usopp pointed to a random ship in the distance.

"Thanks."

Few hours later...

"Hmm? Where's Zoro?" Everyone wondered

Somewhere on Raftel...

"DAMN YOU USOPP AND YOUR MISDIRECTIONS!" a voice screamed.

FRIENDS:Will appear at a dinner party at your house with a bottle of champagne  
>REAL FRIENDS: Will arrive early to help you cook<p>

"EHHH?" shouted Luffy. "ONLY VEGETABLES FOR DINNER? YUCKY!"

Nami sighed. "Just follow the recipe, and DON'T BLOW UP MY KITCHEN! You wanted to help me after all."

She went up the stairs to sleep.

"Ok..." muttered Luffy.

"First recipe..."

"Cook vegetables in frying pan and add whi...wi...wa...wine! to flambé." (uh meaning: Flambé is to add alcohol to a frying pan to infuse the alcohol with whatever you're cooking. CREATES BIG FIRE!)

"So," thought Luffy. Vegetables are yucky so... A BIT OF VEGETABLES AND LOTS OF ALCOHOL!" Yep. Luffy Logic

1 minute later...

"LOOK NAMI! I DIDN'T BLOW UP THE KITCHEN! I BLEW UP THE HOUSE!"

"BAKA!" she yelled while bashing him on the head

FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.  
>REAL FRIENDS: Can write a very embarrassing book about you, with direct quotes from you.<p>

"And he always says NAMI-SWAN!~~~ or ROBIN-CHWAN!~~~ to them or he says to any other girl MELLORINE!~~~So that is why he is a pervert and a Baka-Cook! And finished!" yelled Zoro, finishing the 500 paged book on:

'Why To Avoid Black Leg Sanji For Damn Women'

"Hopefully, this will get rid of my debt and more..." Zoro grinned demonically as he imagined Sanji crying when all the girls ran away...

FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.  
>REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!<p>

**LuNa ALERT!**

"So that guy called you are bitch?" said Luffy, pointing.

She nodded while trying not to cry.

He put on his serious face and his aura turned dark. He put his hat on to Nami's head. The temperature instantly turned cold and Nami watched as he walked to the man and bit his thumb muttering "Gear THIRD!"

Nami watched with astonishment as his hand grew to the size of a giant. She never knew this!

By now, everyone but that man was screaming and running away while the man stood frozen in horror.

"YOU'LL PAY FOR INSULTING MY NAKAMA!

GOMU GOMU NO!

_GIGANT!_

_PISTOl!"_

Luffy dealt an uppercut to the man and he flew over the moon, bashing into a cow and crashed on top of a dish and a spoon. As well as astonishing a cat and a dog. (good work if you get the joke)

"Come on Nami!" he grinned happily as if nothing happened and put his hat back on. Nami smiled and gave him a kiss while saying, "Thank you Luffy"

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he/she rejects you.  
>REAL FRIENDS: Will go up and ask himher, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

**ZoRo ALERT!**

"I like you damn woman!"

Robin blinked as she thought of these words. She too liked him but he was too... young for her.

"Sorry Zoro, but you're too young," she stated truthfully.

Zoro sighed and grumbled off. Probably to train.

Robin sighed and went back to reading.

Suddenly Luffy's face went in front of hers and he said, "Ne Robin?"

"What is it Captain-San?"

"Did you reject Zoro because you're gay?"

Robin snapped. The demon child of Ohara had snapped. She glared at her captain with the coldest aura known to the Underworld and crossed her arm while crying,"VIENTE FLEUR!"

Twenty hands circled Luffy and grabbed him.

"TANGLE!" All the hands started winding up Luffy like a ball of string (in this case rubber) until he looked like one.

"I'll show you that I'm not gay CAPTAIN,"she seethed.

She grabbed Zoro and kissed him.

Zoro just stared at her as she continued to kiss him.

Luffy thought (he has a brain?) while tangled up 'Plan Successful! Shishishishishi!'

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college.  
>BEST FRIENDS: Are until the day you die.<p>

The Straw Hat Crew were getting closer and closer to Raftel each day and island. They were currently relaxing in a peaceful Spring Island (even though it is the New World and it isn't peaceful-.-)

All of them were thinking over their dreams and their thoughts.

Suddenly, Chopper started crying. Obviously, being nakama, and caring for everybody, everyone was concerned and asked what was wrong.

"SNIFF, AFTER WE ACHIEVE OUR DREAMS WHAT WILL HAPPEN? WHAAAAA!" he sobbed.

Everyone blinked and thought of the question.

"Hmm... We haven't thought about that," said Usopp.

"We'll possibly go different ways..." said Sanji. 'AND AWAY FROM NAMI-SWAN~ AND ROBIN-CHWAN~!' he thought.

"Shishishishishi!" laughed Luffy. "Even if we're separated, we're still friends RIGHT!"

Chopper stopped crying and smiled.

"YEAH!" everyone yelled.

"Lets do another sailing ceremony to announce our new dreams and mark our near end!"

"Luffy, I'd call it an ending ceremony."

"It doesn't matter Nami!"

"SANJI! BEER!" (or sake? Idk and idc)

"Here."he was already bringing one.

"Okay! I the Great Captain Usopp shall start!"

"I believe the real captain-san shall start long nose-kun."

Everyone looked at Luffy and with a deep breath said, "MEAT!"

Everyone except Robin fell down.

"That's not a dream Luffy," said Nami with a sweat drop.

"I just feel like some..."

"HURRY UP!"

"Ok, shishishi,"

And he said, "To re visit everyone we met on our adventures!"

'and find someone to be my Pirate Queen...'

Everyone turned to Zoro, who was... Sleeping. Typical.

"WAKE UP!"

"Hmm..? Ah ok."

He thought and said

"To teach worthy students my techniques."

'and settle down with a certain someone...'

Nami without hesitation said, "To be extremely rich!"

'and to be with the new Pirate King'

"Of course," Usopp muttered.

"OI IT'S YOUR TURN!" she shouted back.

Usopp thought and said,

"To lie less!

'and meet Kaya...'

"Good luck... Shitty King of Liars"

"Hey!"

"Sanji-san my bones are aching with tiredness so please hurry up." (no skull joke intended)

He thought with a frown and said, "To pass my techniques and cooking!"

'AND FIND MORE BEAUTIFUL GIRLS!'

"What? Teach them your pervertness?"

"Damn you marimo!"

"Shut up Sanji!"

"Hai Nami-swan!~"

"Chopper?"

He blinked and said, "To help sick people with my knowledge and to teach other people!

"SUPAAA dream Chopper-bro!"

"BAKA!~That doesn't make me happy!~"

"Robin?"

She said, "To help the Revolutionaries with overthrowing the world government."

'and to live with someone...'

Everyone blinked as they thought of it.

"What an extreme dream."

"Whatever, let's get on with it!"

"SUPERRRR! My turn!"

Franky did his pose and said, "To continue building many ships and BATTLE FRANKIIIIEEEESSSS!" the waves crashed behind in the background and smoke rose up behind him.

"Okay..." everyone said with a sweat drop.

"Finally Brooke."

His face creased in a frown (if he had one! Skull Joke!) and he said, "To make many new songs and sing them to Laboon!"

"YOSH! To our new dreams!"

And they slammed their feet onto the barrel breaking it.

Then they set sail for the next island knowing that their current dreams would soon be fulfilled and would eventually be replaced with new ones. And that all their nakama would still be their nakama forever until they died. Or in Brooke's case, died again. (YOHOHOHO!)

The End

How was it? Good or bad? Review please, well, if you want and tell me for improvements and story ideas. Some things I just made up like Robin's 'tangle' and I know some of the fake friends real friends thing don't match for all of them but meh.

Flames... I DON'T GIVE A DAMN! THROW FLAMES AT ME AND I'LL EAT THEM LIKE NATSU DRAGNEEL IN FAIRY TAIL! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! 'breathes fire everywhere

Thanks for reading and wherever you are, good morning, good afternoon, good evening and good night.

**HanMan**

P.S/whatever: I think I might do a Greek mythology crossedover with OP. What do you think?


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